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In an earlier post, I admitted that in my youth I was more a fan of Star Trek than Star Wars.

After seeing this Macleans piece by Jonathon Gatehouse, I am not only going to retract that statement, I am prepared to deny that I ever made it in the first place.

The Star Trek connection

The first thing detectives from the Toronto police sex crimes unit saw when they entered Roderick Cowan’s apartment was an autographed picture of William Shatner. Along with the photos on the computer of Scott Faichnie, also busted for possessing child porn, they found a snapshot of the pediatric nurse and Boy Scout leader wearing a dress “Federation” uniform. Another suspect had a TV remote control shaped like a phaser. Yet another had a Star Trek credit card in his wallet. One was using “Picard” as his screen name. In the 3 1/2 years since police in Canada’s biggest city established a special unit to tackle child pornography, investigators have been through so many dwellings packed with sci-fi books, DVDs, toys and collectibles like Klingon swords and sashes that it’s become a dark squadroom joke. “We always say there are two types of pedophiles: Star Trek and Star Wars,” says Det. Ian Lamond, the unit’s second-in-command. “But it’s mostly Star Trek.”

For the record, when I was a kid my favourite TV show was Star Trek, uhhh, Hinterland Who’s Who.

You know what’s amusing? Funny, archaic laws, like these:

• In Alabama, it is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
• In Florida, if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
• And in Nebraska, it is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.

Here’s two more quaint old laws, that are still on the books in Canada:

Bribery of judicial officers, etc.
119. (1) Every one who

(a) being the holder of a judicial office, or being a member of Parliament or of the legislature of a province, corruptly

(i) accepts or obtains,

(ii) agrees to accept, or

(iii) attempts to obtain,

any money, valuable consideration, office, place or employment for himself or another person in respect of anything done or omitted or to be done or omitted by him in his official capacity, or

(b) gives or offers, corruptly, to a person mentioned in paragraph (a) any money, valuable consideration, office, place or employment in respect of anything done or omitted or to be done or omitted by him in his official capacity for himself or another person,

is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding fourteen years.

And…

Selling or purchasing office
124. Every one who

(a) purports to sell or agrees to sell an appointment to or a resignation from an office, or a consent to any such appointment or resignation, or receives or agrees to receive a reward or profit from the purported sale thereof, or

(b) purports to purchase or gives a reward or profit for the purported purchase of any such appointment, resignation or consent, or agrees or promises to do so,

is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years.

Ha! Like either of those things could ever happen.

Partial transcript of audio recording of Paul Martin’s Chief of Staff, Tim Murphy, from Politics Watch:

On the tape, Murphy proposes the concept of Grewal abstaining from the vote and using the following excuse, which sounds eerily familiar.

“That can be done on the basis, those members can do it on the basis, ‘Well look, my riding doesn’t want an election, doesn’t want one now. Thinks it’s the wrong time to do it.’”

Murphy explains to Grewal that abstaining is a better option than crossing the floor and could allow for future talks.

“If someone abstains in that environment who has exercised a decision based on principle, (it) still gives him the freedom to have some negotiating room on both sides.

“Then the freedom to have discussions is increased.”

Murphy described the next step for an MP who has abstained against the wishes of his party leader.

“A person can say, ‘Look, I obviously abstained and created some issues’ and then they can say, ‘I’m thinking hard about what the right thing for my riding and the contribution I would like to make.’”

Murphy goes on to say, “In advance of that explicit discussions about Senate, not Senate I don’t think are very helpful and I don’t think can be had in advance of an abstention tomorrow.”

He says discussions could be held later.

“You can easily say, if you don’t like, you can stay home or stay back where you are or if you do like we can make an arrangement that allows you to move.”

I don’t think Tim’s losing any sleep about being prosecuted — unless he’s ever charged admission to see a one-armed piano player in Iowa.

[Scene: Parliamentary Press Gallery. Paul Martin, and a slightly scruffy-looking mustachioed man enter, and sit down.]

Paul Martin: Ahem. Thank you. As you know, last year I was very, very excited to appoint Scott Brison to be Minister of Public Works and Government Services, and to thusly make him responsible for reforming the process of awarding government contracts.

Yesterday, I was very, very, proud to welcome Belinda Stronach to our caucus and to Cabinet, as Minister of Human Resources and Skills Development, and Minister responsible for Democratic Renewal. In addition, Ms. Stronach will be responsible for implementing the recommendations of the Gomery commission.

It has probably occurred to you, that I believe that if you want someone to clean up federal government, you need a Conservative, preferably a former leadership candidate.

So it gives me great, great pleasure to announce today that David Orchard has accepted my offer to become our new Minister of Finance.

The cynical among you may think that there was some sort of shady quid-pro-quo involved in this decision. Let me assure Canadians that my decision today to abrogate NAFTA was a wholly unrelated matter, and had been carefully studied for some time.

In conclusion, let me just say: Sinclair Stevens, please call me.

Thank you.

After years of uninterrupted Liberal rule, there are millions of Canadians who desperately want a change in government.

But right now, many of them aren’t comfortable with the leadership and policies of the federal Conservatives.

Belinda Stronach has been making it clear that, like many, she doesn’t like the current focus of her party on same-sex-marriage, etc.

It seems to me the brave thing to do would have been for Belinda to stay and fight for the kind of Conservative party she believed in.

It would have been tough. She would be in a minority within her caucus. If she voted against party lines for the budget she suddenly believes in, she could have been stripped of party position and privileges.

Apparently it was too tough. By crossing the floor she gained a place in Paul Martin’s cabinet, but only by leaving those who want a stronger opposition, and a healthier political balance in Canada, behind.

Shame.

(More at Daimnation, Let It Bleed, Andrew Coyne, et al.)

UPDATE:
Paul Wells, 11:08am:

It’s usually a bad sign for a relationship when your girlfriend refers to you in public by both names.

Canadian Press, 1:15pm (seen at Nealenews) :

Belinda Stronach has left not only the Conservative party but also one of the most closely watched romances in Canada.

Sources say her stunning bolt to the Liberals comes as she and Conservative Deputy Leader Peter MacKay take a break from their relationship.

The high-profile pair announced in January that they were dating.

MacKay was holed up in his Parliament Hill office, refusing to comment….

Conservative Leader Stephen Harper says MacKay is devastated by Stronach’s decision.

Sources say MacKay only learned of Stronach’s intentions just before they were made public Tuesday.

Brutal.

I liked the Star Wars movies as a kid, although to be truthful, I was more of a Star Trek guy. (You know, because the chicks loved Trekkies.)

Now, after two crap-tacular prequels, George Lucas is launching Episode III – Revenge of the Sith, to generally better reviews.

Great news for geeks, right? What’s better for your inner nerd than a well-written, well-acted, well-directed space opera? It’s the perfect way to take your mind off the all the annoyances and banalities of real life, circa 2005.

I may be a political junkie, but after last year’s U.S. election and the imminent start of a Canadian one, two hours free of the current sniping and eye-rolling would be refreshing.

Well, sucks to be me. (Mild spoilage ahead.) Check out this dialogue from a duel scene between Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi:

Anakin: “If you’re not with me, you’re my enemy.”
Obi-Wan: “Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes.”

Subtle. If that isn’t a direct reference to this quote from President Bush’s speech, nine days after September 11, well then I’m a Klingon.

Every nation and every region now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.

And see if your Jar-Jar Binks decoder ring can decipher what this line could be referring to:

Padmé Amidala: “This war happened because of a failure to listen.”

Sorry, Princess, the John Kerry sticker on your space-Volvo won’t do him any good now.

I am not a fan of moral relativism — I think it is an intellectual trap that leads to bad decisions, by both individuals and nations. George Lucas may not agree, but maybe after producing a six-movie series about the battle between good and evil, he should realize he’s not the best person to be lecturing children about President Bush’s lack of “nuance” in the war on terror.

Or will this lead to yet another new edition of the original Star Wars, with an alien version of Kofi Annan digitally added, to convince the Rebel fighters not to attack the Death Star, because they don’t have Security Council authorization?

Rebel Leader: “But they just destoyed Alderaan!”
Space Kofi: “For the sake of peace, we must give inspections and sanctions another chance. Of course, we cannot inspect the Death Star, because the Dark Lord has declared it to be one of his Presidential Palaces.”
Rebel Leader: “Well… FRAK.”